Hellhomer
by Shadow Pumpkinhead
Summary: When Homer opens the Gates of Hell and brings it to Earth, the Simpsons must join forces with an unlikely ally. Ch. 5 is up.
1. Birthday Present Form Hell

Hellhomer

By

Patrick Moore

This story is rated PG-13 due to mild lanuage and strong violence.

The Simpsons are owned by 20th Century Fox.

Hellraiser is owned by Clive Barker.

Apologies to all.

Today is Lisa's birthday, and as usual, Homer forgot to buy her a present. The last present Homer gave Lisa was one of those make your own birthday videos at the mall, but he was going to get her a diary.

"D'oh!" Homer grunted, as Marge asked him for his present for Lisa.

"Homer, you didn't get her a decent present," frowned Marge. "I told you two weeks ago to get her the Malibu Stacy dvd collection."

"You're in trouble now, Homeboy," said Bart.

"Shut up, Boy," Homer shook his fist at Bart, then turned to Marge. "Don't worry, Marge, I'll head to the mall and get Lisa her present, before she gets back from Janey's." Homer heads out of the door, just before Ned Flanders greeted him.

"Howdy-Doody, Homer," Ned replied.

"Must get Lisa present. Shut up, Flanders," Homer got into his car and drove off, just as Lisa went inside the house.

"Where's Dad going?" Lisa asked her mother.

"He had to go to work," Marge lied. "Mr. Burns wants him to work overtime."

"On a Saturday?" Lisa gave her mother a puzzled look.

"I better meet Milhouse at the comic book store," Bart went out the door, as Marge gave her usual angered look.

"Why did the mall have to be so crowded today?" Homer groaned as the mall's parking lots were crowded with no empty spaces. "I knew I should have gone to one of those cheap malls in Shelbyville, they have the super-sized strawberry malts with the large cookie dough chunks."

Just then, Homer spotted a nice little store next to the mall. He drove there, where he was greeted by a wrinkled old woman smoking a long cigar dressed in a Chinese garb.

"I see that you're my first customer," the old woman said to Homer. "What would you like to buy?"

"Today's my daughter's birthday, and I want to find her a decent present," said Homer, as the old women took a drag from her cigar.

"Lisa like puzzles, get her one," said Homer's brain.

"Zip it, Brain," said Homer. "I'll do the thinking around here." He soon turns back to the old woman. "Do you have any puzzles?"

"Come inside, my fat little friend," replied the old woman. "What kind of puzzles dose she like?"

"I like to get her one of those brain teaser puzzles she likes," Homer replied, as he spotted a strange cube on one of the nearest self. He picked it up and showed it to the old woman. "I'll take this one. Lisa likes that Rubic square thingy anyway."

"That certain puzzle is not for sale," said the old lady. "Get another puzzle."

"Why can't I get this one?" Homer asked.

"That puzzle opens the gates of Hell!" the old woman snapped. "Now get another puzzle and get out!"

While the old woman wasn't looking, Homer put the square puzzle into his pocket, and grabbed a pack of Yu-Gi-Oh trading cards and put them on the counter.

"A good choice," the old woman smiled, as she took Homer's money, and put the cards into a small paper bag. "Thank you and come again."

"I will," Homer smiled as he walked out of the store, but mumbled under his breath. "You old, smells like my gym socks bag."

Lisa gave a weak smile as she looked at her new sweater from her Aunts Patty and Selma. The sweater looked like it had the hair of a million cats sown into it.

"I was going to make it into a blanket for Ling, but she might cough up a hairball," said Aunt Selma.

"Thanks, Aunt Selma" Lisa gave a small grin.

"Open my present," said Grampa Simpson. "It's an classic colt. 45 pistol."

"Grampa, I hate violence and guns," replied Lisa.

"Grampa, how could you?" Marge frowned at Abe.

"I was going to give it to Bart when he's old enough," said Abe.

"I'll take the gun," Bart smirked. "As long as it shoots water."

"I knew I should have got fake bullets," sighed Abe.

Just then, Homer enters with "Lisa's" present. "Happy Birthday, Lisa!" he shouted, as he gave her the puzzle cube from out of his pocket. "I hope you like puzzles."

"Oh, Dad, this is the best present you ever gave me," Lisa smiled. "What's in the bag?"

"I got Bart some Yu-Gi-Oh cards to play with his friends," Homer gave Bart the cards.

"Yu-Gi-Oh sucks, man" frowned Bart. "I'll just add them to the rest of my other sucky trading cards."

"I'll start to figure out my new puzzle after dinner," Lisa said, as she went upstairs.

"That was sweet of you, Homey," Marge kissed her husband on the cheek.

"Now tell Marge that you stole that cube from the old woman who told you it wasn't for sale in the first place," said Homer's brain.

"It's Vanilla Pepsi for you tonight," said Homer to his brain.

Homer's brain groaned.

Satan looked at his monitor from the pits of Hell to see Lisa trying to solve the puzzle. "Come on, kid, solve that puppy so I can bring Hell on Earth." He now laughs evilly.

TO BE CONTIUED...


	2. Homer Opens the Box

Hellhomer pt-2

"Today, on a very special episode of Arthur," said the TV announcer. "The kids of Elwood City learn that Bionic Bunny is gay."

"First Spongebob, now this," said Bart Simpson, who is watching television with Lisa. "Next, they'll say that Jughead's homosexual." He turns to Lisa. "How's the puzzle?"

"I gave up on it last night," replied Lisa. "That was one strange puzzle Dad gave me."

"What did you do with it?" Bart asked.

"I gave it to Dad to figure it out," said Lisa.

Just then, Homer enters with a scared look on his face. "Lisa, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I solved your puzzle."

"What's the bad news?" Lisa asked.

"I think I opened the gates of Hell," replied Homer.

"YOU WHAT?" Lisa shouted. "How could you open the gates of Hell, it's just a stupid puzzle."

"I was in the basement solving the puzzle," said Homer. "When I solved it, this huge portal opened and Zippy the Pinhead came out dressed in black and told me that I've opened the gates of Hell."

"Homer, are you drunk again?" Bart asked.

"I'm telling you the truth that I've opened the gates of Hell," replied Homer, as a winged demon landed on Homer's head. Bart and Lisa screamed.

"I think Dad did open the gates of Hell," said Bart to Lisa.

"You think?" Lisa snapped, as she now turned to Homer. "Dad, take us to the basement, maybe we can figure out how to close the gates before Mom and Maggie come home."

Homer, Bart, and Lisa went downstairs to the basement, as they saw the huge portal with more winged demons coming out of it. One of the demons grabbed Bart's Krusty doll, and ripped it open with its claws.

"No one rips my Krutsy doll," said Bart, as he took out his slingshot and fired a rock at the demon that ripped his doll.

"Good shot, Boy," said Homer, as he whacked the demons with a broom. "Take this, you winged bastards!"

"The only way to close the portal is to find the puzzle and redo it," said Lisa, as she looked for the puzzle. "Where is the puzzle?"

"I sort of gave it to the pinheaded guy, because he wanted it anyway," said Homer.

"Dad, sometimes Mom's right about you being an idiot," said Lisa, as she now turned to Bart. "We better see what Springfield now looks like now with Hell on Earth."

"Do you think rock stars are in Hell?" Bart asked his sister. "After all, they do sing about Satan more than God."

Lisa just sighed, as she, Homer, and Bart went upstairs to see their living room melting, as they saw people running from the demons.

"I thought demons existed in adult anime," said Cookie Kwan, as demons began eating her car. "Stop eating my car, you anime figments!"

Otto the bus driver smoked a joint, as he saw three demons staring at him. "I got to stop sucking the weed, man," he said, as the demons ripped him to shreds.

Ned Flanders looked from the window of his dining room as he saw what was happening. "It's about time God punished all the evil on Earth," he said. "I don't know about the demons and the smell of brimstone."

"Ned, you idiot," said Reverend Lovejoy, who is visiting Ned. "Hell has come to Earth. It is time for all the good souls to go to Heaven."

"Then, why are we still here?" Ned asked.

"Shut up, Flanders," replied Lovejoy with a deadpan look.

Deep in space, Kang and Kodos looked on in their spaceship, as Earth is covered by the armies of Hell. This puzzles Kang, as he looked on the monitor.

"Great, some other alien race is taking over Earth," said Kang. "Now, we won't have our convention there anytime soon."

"What am I going to do with all the chips and dip I bought?" Kodos asked his brother.

"It looks like we're going to planet Eternia again," replied Kang. "You know I hate Trolans."

To Be Continued….


	3. Surprise Guest Star

Hellhomer Pt-3

"This is Kent Brockman live, as the town of Springfield has gone to Hades," said the reporter in front of the chaos that's been happening since the last act. "Hell has come to Earth….literally. As a horde of demons are attacking the town. What would have caused this?" He turns to Homer. "Tell me, Mr. Simpson, you've done some stupid this in the past, but this is the stupidest. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Hi, Marge," Homer said to the camera. "I hope you can forgive me that I opened the gates of Hell."

"I just got word, Mr. Simpson, that your wife and the others are at the church," said Kent.

"That was close," replied Homer.

"She's mad at you…big time," Kent frowned at Homer.

"D'oh!" Homer grunted. "It's no pork chops for me."

At the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Mr. Burns and Smithers looked on from Burns' office as they looked at the chaos.

"Sir, I think we better get to the church with the other," said Smithers to his boss. "What if the power plant is attacked?"

"If those demons attack, I unleash Cerberus," said Burns, as he pushed a button. A huge door opened and a large, three-headed dog came out of it. "All that toxic waste I fed them sure makes them have a shinny coat."

"Mr. Burns, Cerberus is the dog that guards the underworld in Greek myths," replies Smithers.

"Where do you think I got the dog from, ninny hammer?" Burns asked. "I sold your soul to Satan for that beauty."

"How could you?" Smithers cried.

"I had to have the money to buy Hell," replied Burns. "Next, I'll get the River Styx with Carl and Lenny's souls."

Meanwhile, Homer and the kids made it to the church, where everyone frowned at him as he walked past. He spotted Marge holding Maggie sitting next to Ned Flanders.

"Homer, you done it this time," said Marge.

"How did they know I did it?" Homer asked.

"We've been in all those Treehouse of Horror stories," said Marge. "Everyone knows you're behind it."

"Yeah!" Everyone said.

"D'oh!" Homer grunted.

"The only way to save the world is we got to undo the puzzle Dad gave me," said Lisa.

"Let's call on God to help us in this time of need," said Flanders. "Good is stronger than evil. Like the Bible says…"

"SHUT UP, FLANDERS!" Everyone shouted.

"Maybe Ned's right about calling God," said Marge. "God can get us out of problems like this."

"Can he give me hair?" said Homer.

"Can he give me my teeth?" said Abe Simpson

"Can he make an actor?" Sideshow Mel spoke.

"Can he give me my show back, so I can review Star Wars: Episode III?" spoke Jay Sherman.

"Jay, what are you doing here, man?" Bart asked the portly film critic.

"I need more guest star time," Jay said. "People don't know me anymore. Look what happen to Mr. Largo and the Capital City Goofball."

Everyone was silent.

"Idiots," Jay muttered under his breath.

"Maybe I could help," said a voice.

"Who said that?" Homer asked.

"Is that you, God?" Flanders asked as well.

A man walked towards them with a chainsaw on his right hand. "I'm here to help," he spoke.

"Who are you, mister?" Lovejoy asked the man.

"The name's Ash," he said, "and I'm going to kick demon ass."

Everyone cheered.

"I don't believe you people think this is Ash from the Evil Dead trilogy," said Jay, until Comic Book Guy grabbed Jay by the shirt.

"Shut up, idiot," CBG said. "He's the only guest star who could be useful to help us."

"This from the guy who thought Jar-Jar Binks is a great Star Wars character," replied Jay. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

"I soiled my pants after looking at Episode 2," CBG cried.

"Don't worry," said Jay, as he patted CBG on the back. "I thought Howard the Duck would lay an egg, and it did." He turned to the camera. "I blame you, George Lucas."

To Be Continued….


	4. Chapter 4

Hellhomer pt. 4

Author's note: I like to apologize to one reader who thought I badmouthed Yu-Gi-Oh, Spongebob, and Vanilla Pepsi. I like those things, I only wrote that to use it in the humor of the Simpsons. Now on with our story.

Ash and the other citizens of Springfield marched though the destroyed town of Springfield, thanks to the demons of Hell.

"How much longer till we get there?" Homer asked. "I want to get a cold beer at Moe's."

"Homer, for the last time shut up about your stupid beer," said Ash. "We're almost at Satan's lair. According to this map of Hell, Satan's fortress should be in the middle of town."

"What's it look like, Pee-Wee's Playhouse?" Homer said sarcastically.

"Yes," replied Ash, as they look at a Hell version of Pee-Wee's Playhouse. "Let's kick some devil booty."

Just then, Satan rose up from the ground, as the fire and brimstone flew from the ground. The Dark Lord looked at Ash and the few people of Springfield that were in front of him. "Who dares confront Satan?"

"Satan, you're going back to Hell," said Ash.

"Who, and what army?" Satan asked, as everyone except Homer and Ash ran away in terror.

"Looks like we're the only ones here, Ash," said Homer. "Call on Pikachu to take out Team Rocket, so we can get out of here."

"Wrong Ash, stupid," Ash corrected Homer, as he turned to Satan. "I don't need an army to take you on; just I and my chainsaw will do just fine." Ash pulled the cord to start up his chainsaw arm, but the motor stopped. "What the!"

"What's wrong, mortal?" Satan asked Ash, "out of gas?"

"I just filled it up today," said Ash, as he started his chainsaw again, and again it stopped. "Damn!"

"So that's why Otto was sick," spoke Homer. "I gave him that stinky apple juice that was in that bottle next to you."

"Homer, you idiot, that was gasoline," snapped Ash. "How could you be that stupid?"

"I'm not that stupid," replied Homer. "I went into outer space, became a boxer, helped Mel Gibson with his new movie, saved the town from a nuclear meltdown, fought George Bush…"

"HOMER, SHUT UP!" Ash shouted. "I can handle Satan myself!"

Just then, a huge rock fell on Ash, as Homer just looked on.

"D'oh," Homer slowly grunted.

"What's next, mortal?" Satan spoke to Homer, as the Dark Lord laughed.

Homer thought carefully, and then had an idea. "Satan, I challenge you to Street Fighter 2. If I win, you go back to Hell and leave us alone."

"What if you lose?" Satan asked.

"You can stay here as long as you like," replied Homer.

"Deal, you got two hours," Satan vanished within the brimstone.

"D'oh!" Homer grunted.

Back at the church, Homer walked to Bart, who was playing with his PSP with Millhouse. Homer had to think of a way to get Bart to play against Satan.

"Boy, I want you to play Street Fighter 2 against Satan in two hours," said Homer.

"You should have thought of this idea before you said it," replied Homer's brain.

"Shut up, Brain," replied Homer.

Bart laughed at what Homer just said, then stopped. "Homer, Satan is the biggest cheater on earth. I'm not even that low to beat him."

"Then train me to play, Bart," Homer cried. "Train me like there's no tomorrow."

Bart sighed and nodded his head. "You owe me big time, Homer. If I teach you the art of Street Fighter, you must never tell anyone about the secret character to unlock."

"I don't know, boy," thought Homer.

"Dad, you have to promise not to reveal the secret character to no one," Bart spoke in a serious look.

"I promise," Homer smirked, as he crossed his fingers behind his back.

Lisa looked at them, but gave a nagging look to her face knowing something is going to screw up.

To be continued…

Next time: Homer Vs. Satan


	5. Homer Vs Satnasort of

Hellhomer pt.5

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long, but this is the final chapter. I'm thinking of calling my pen name Shadow Pumpkinhead the next time I go on Fan You can still e-mail me at the same address, but I like to see more good reviews. And now the conclusion.

It's been hours since Bart taught Homer the world of Street Fighter II. Now Homer is ready to take on Satan for the fate of the world.

"Remember what I taught you, Dad," said Bart, as he and the others walked to Satan's fortress. "Use the secret character in case of an emergency."

"Got you, Son," replied Homer. "I'm going to kick Satan's red butt."

As they came to Satan's home, the prince of darkness stood there looking at the townspeople. He smirked, as he stood waiting to challenge Homer.

"Are you ready, Homer?" Satan asked.

"Bring it on, Red Guy," Homer replied. "I'm going to beat you with my secret character."

"Homer!" Bart elbowed Homer in the ribs to shut him up.

"Do that again, Boy, or I'll strangle you," Homer growled at Bart.

"You're not supposed to tell him about the secret character," Bart whispered.

"D'oh," Homer grunted.

"I decided not to play you in Street Fighter, but I'm going to let you have you earth back," said Satan.

"What!" Homer is shocked.

"You see, one little girl told me that having Hell on Earth would be boring, and she's right. So, you win," replied Satan. "Little Lisa told me lots of things like birds singing, rainbows, animals, and the antics of Krusty the Klown. I believe that the world isn't ready for Judgment Day just yet."

"What is the real reason?" Homer asked Satan.

"I can't stand that Flanders with all his religious banter," replied Satan. "Having him in Hell would be boring anyway."

"Amen to that," smirked Homer. "Before you return to Hell, can you do me a little favor?"

"Sure, what is it?" Satan asked.

It was another day with the Simpsons, as our favorite family is sitting in the front room watching TV; Homer had finished his can of beer.

"I can't believe what you told Satan, Homer," Marge frowned at her husband. "I liked that we got the earth back for ourselves, but what you got Satan to do was stupid."

"So I had Satan send Selma and Patty to Hell for a month," replied Homer, "and brought Maude Flanders back from the dead. What's wrong with that?"

"Mom, zombies," said Bart, as the family looked out of the windows to see zombie versions of their friends and neighbors moaning and groaning outside.

"That's what I don't like about these Treehouse of Horror stories," said Marge, as she took out a shotgun. "They always have twisted endings."

"Just shut up, and shoot some zombies," replied Homer, as he drank another beer, and Marge fired at the zombie hordes.

The End


End file.
